Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Love Hurts and You Don't Know Why: When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why
About this deal
What if our desensitisation to low-level, ubiquitous misogyny is preventing us from recognising a fully blown crisis? Susan Forward draws on case histories and the voices of men ad women trapped in these relationships to help you understand you man's destructive pattern, the part you play in it, how to break the pattern, heal the hurt, regain your self-respect, and either rebuild your relationship or find the courage to love a truly loving man. Photograph: Abir Sultan/EPA View image in fullscreen A woman at a protest march against violence toward women in Tel Aviv in June 2020. Coming from a patriarchal society, there are so many misogenist around here that it is easy to assume that it's just the way men are. The typical misogynist expects his partner to be a never-ending source of total, all-giving love, adoration, concern, approval, and nurturing.
Ideas are spread from the darkest corners of the internet – via trolls, media and celebrities – to schools, workplaces and the corridors of power, becoming a part of our collective consciousness. When the father was an abusive tyrant and the mother was weak, the boy sees two options: be weak like mother, or a tyrant like the father. Laura Bates continues to be one of the most powerful, vulnerable and incredible feminist voices of our time.When he had doubts, the messages he read reminded him that he had been deliberately blinded by the female-centric conspiracy designed to keep men docile and passive. The male suicide rate is around three times that of women; men are vastly less likely to receive support for mental health problems than women; and men, in particular, are hard hit by issues such as unemployment and workplace injuries, in a world that teaches them that it is their duty and role to be a provider and protector. The misogynist’s underlying suspiciousness seems to come from a fear that women are “only out for what they can get.
The more we understand what shaped us as individuals, the more tools we have to free ourselves from behaviors that no longer work for us. If the messages the child gets about herself are primarily positive, her self-image will be healthy. The world that he has been forced to believe works in his favour is actually hopelessly stacked against him.She suspends her own good judgement, joins him in his persecution of her, and finds explanations to justify his behavior. Nearly 50 years later, this still sounds like it might be worth a try, especially in a modern culture formed around such ossified, regressive stereotypes that it can seem society has become much more sexist even since the 1990s. Once you know that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there despising women to the point that many of them believe we should all be exterminated, you can never un-know it.
What if we can’t begin to take a comprehensive and effective approach to policing acts of violence, because we don’t describe them in ways that acknowledge the connections between them?Others have suggested that it is a specific response to shifting labour markets, as manual jobs become increasingly scarce, and women are employed in ever greater numbers in more powerful roles. This is the woman who is fully independent, possibly successful and high power in her work, only to revert to helpless child in her relationship. And this stuff filters upwards through friendly media and middlemen such as far-right commentator Milo Yiannopoulos, so that men at the top can speak in code to their supporters. What you hear about them sounds so strange, so extreme, so hard to believe, so laughable even, that it is easy to shrug off. They are right, but there are definitely too many men, and their numbers don’t seem to be decreasing.
It allows these groups to claim the mantle of righteous grievance, posing as alienated victims, when exposure to the bright light of day proves their ringleaders to be anything but. Having accepted humiliation, and exploitation as the conditions of survival during childhood, the girl is likely to reenact that same abuser/victim relationship with men in her adult life. They never observed (not even the author) that these are things that women feel, too, and that in many cases women don't have any more support groups than the men. I wanted to lay bare the reality of a hate movement, the very existence of which we have completely failed to acknowledge, and ask: what is attracting boys and men to this ideology?
Like millions of other people on online platforms, his account appeared dormant as he just watched, listened and absorbed. Some other passages were pure “psychologizing” and “psychoanalyzing”, and in my opinion lowered the quality of an otherwise excellent book.