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The idea of being sexually submissive can be arousing to people who are always in control outside of the bedroom,” says Engle. “And the idea of being in control can be hot due to the taboo nature of rough sex and [a] sense of authority.” Threesomes, orgies, and the like also create sensory overload. Think about it: There’s simply more bits, smells, tastes, holes, poles, and sounds than in a two-some or solo session. What to do about it If you want to change your relationship structure, “start by exploring what that means to you,” says Corrado.

Whatever the fantasy, there should be a plan in place around what will happen in that sexual scene,” says Daniel Sayant, founder of NSFW, a club hosting sex-positive events and workshops. Corrado says, “Really, this kind of play is about radical trust because it’s a vulnerable type of play. And that vulnerability has arousal potential.” What to do about it

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First, establish whether this is something you want IRL, says Engle, “because that is a different animal than simply having the fantasy.”

Eyes glued to the screen during that Game of Thrones scene (yes, the one where Theon Greyjoy gets naked with two drop-dead queens)? Hand travel between your legs at the thought of a multi-person orgy? For example, “I’ve been thinking it might be hot to talk through a fantasy of another woman going down on you in bed. What do you think?” Sadism and masochism (S&M) and bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission (BDSM) make up the second most popular fantasy.Less than 0.5 percent of folks said cheating, being unfaithful, or committing adultery was arousing to them. What to do about it S&M is about giving or receiving pain through things like spanking, whipping, humiliation, and more. Actually want group sex IRL? Good news. “Group sex is also a pretty accessible fantasy — you might not be able to have sex with your favorite celebrity, but you can probably find someone who is down for a threesome,” according to sex educator Cassandra Corrado with O.school.

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